There’s been a lot of talk these days about “the geek card,” specifically about the power to revoke someone’s geek card.

That’s right. The excluded have become further exclusionary by being able to loudly state “This person is outcast from our island of misfit toys.” It’s usually spoken in a quasi-joking manner between friends or colleagues and the phrase is usually trotted out when one member of geek society has not participated in,or does not like, an arbitrary element of geek culture that is lauded by another geek.

ie:

“You never watched the original Battlestar Galactica? I’m revoking your geek card!”
“You don’t watch Doctor Who? Turn in your geek card!”
“You think The Phantom Menace was the best Star Wars Movie? I’m burning your geek card!”

And it starts out funny, sure, and I’m sure among close-knit friends this sort of casual locking of horns is all in good fun… and then it stops being fun. It starts igniting more flame wars, more mouth-breathing trolling, more posturing until those who were once the bullied become the bullies. The geeks fight amongst themselves to be top geek: keepers of the gate, guarding against all lesser unwashed mortals who would dare to worship at the feet of geekdom, and metaphorically “tearing up” entry to such hallowed halls.

Yeah, I’m sorry. No. T

his just smacks of the same crap we endured with the “fake geek girl” nerds. It’s just more people with inflated egos who still haven’t gotten over the realization that they’re not in charge, they don’t have the right, and no one gives a crap what they think. Even if you’re only joking, even if your friend doesn’t act hurt by it, STOP IT. It makes you sound like a pompous ass who only likes other people who are just like them.

It takes all people to make this geek world turn and not everyone can like the same thing. If everyone liked the same thing, there wouldn’t be an army of geeks rejecting it and forming their own speculative culture!

So instead of trying to be superior to everyone and show off—’cause let’s be honest, it’s not working—let’s play “the friendship game,” little snowflakes!

When someone hasn’t seen your favorite movie/show/comic/miniseries/vine you say: “Oh, really? It’s on Netflix/in my library/online! Let me look it up/lend you a copy/look up the link for you!

What if they don’t like it? You simply:

Close your eyes,

Take a deep breath,

Realize that this has no impact on you AND GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE.

In fact—screw it.

I’M GIVING AWAY GEEK CARDS!

YOU GET A GEEK CARD! AND YOU GET A GEEK CARD! AND YOU GET A GEEK CARD!

G’night, everybody!

images belong to Verizon media and Oprah