Tag Archives: fantasy

Where it Starts and Where it Ends

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This one was HARD to write, so apologies in advance.

So, I’ve been posting some character sheets every Wed. and while I’ve answered a lot of questions (some of them mine!) about each character there’s still a lot of questions I don’t know the answer to, especially regarding some characters like Linus.

When people ask me how I map out a plot, I always joke that I start with an A and a Z and everything in between is improvised. That’s not exactly true, while I do start at the beginning of the book, I never start at the beginning. There’s just too much. Some of it is because I myself haven’t thought up everything, and some of it is because after a few hundred pages my books get too heavy to cart around.

The other day, my cover artist (who also reads my books) saw my post on Linus’ wife Deirdre and asked me, “So what happens when Linus dies? Does she turn back into a dragon? Does she go first?”

I had to stare at the wall for a while after that one. It was a bit like that beginning of the Pixar movie “Up.” I saw that with my husband and we both started crying. And it wasn’t just us; every other couple in the theatre started crying because they knew there was that inevitable certainty ahead: “someday we’ll have to say good bye, and one of us will be left behind.”

Yes, I know Linus is fictional, yes I know I get to choose the manner of his demise, but then it’s still hard and it will happen in his timeline. I might never put it on paper, and if I do you lot may never get to read it, but it does happen. It’s a fact that Linus is dead by the time of Madame Bluestocking’s Pennyhorrid. 250+ years is too long for even a Half-elf to live. All of this made me really moody and upset, because these are thoughts I don’t usually deal with—that I don’t WANT to deal with.

And I didn’t deal with it, until one night when I got out of bed, grabbed a stack of card stock and the nearest pencil (sorry, it’s red) and started sketching Linus. Half a dozen drawings of him at all different ages. I wanted to find out more what this person was like all through his life, not just the little window I’ve shown him in:

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Here’s Linus when he was about 6 or 7. He was a happy kid, with fewer siblings, and who still thought his parents were perfect, he would always be safe and loved, and who didn’t realize yet just how poor his family was. While his brothers picked on him a lot, they weren’t blood enemies, and Linus was still able to have times where he was the sole attention of his mum and dad. 

 

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Linus at twelve was a different story. We know know little about him except that he and his brothers used to burn their spots off with pokers. The picture looks surly, disappointed and maybe even hurt. This is a kid that lost his illusions fast, as most low-income kids do. He’s had a lot of growing up to do, maybe before he’s ready. He’s almost done with school and then he’ll be parsed out to the workforce like his brothers. Maybe he’s feeling his parents aren’t so infallible after all, and why is he stuck in a house with too many kids and not enough to go around?

 

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This is Linus at 17, and he looks like he’s a good deal happier. He’s completed his training and is a fully fledged E1. There’s a lust for freedom in his expression. He’s handsome and he knows it will let him get away with a lot. His mentor is a cool, savvy, 30-something who keeps a long leash on him and sometimes joins in his shenanigans. And under it all is a streak of that wounded young man from the last picture. There’s the tiniest spark of cruelty as well—a desire to mete out justice, or his version of justice, anyway. He’s been hurt, he’s still confused, he’s still not a grownup, despite being given free reign. He’s oarless, rudderless, and without a destination. But who needs direction when you have endless potential?

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Well, apparently direction counts for a lot. This is Linus in his late 20’s before meeting Deirdre. His eyes are tired and jaundiced, he’s emaciated due to forgetting to eat, and prone to tremors when he doesn’t drink enough. In short, he looks like a miserable addict who’s burning his candle at both ends. His friends all hate him or have died horribly. He keeps getting in trouble so he gets drunk so he can ignore it, which gets him in more trouble. His mentor is becoming even more friendly in a manner that’s worrisome, uncomfortable and unwanted.  He has the look of a caged animal that can’t decide if it’s more afraid of the cage, or what’s outside of it. 

 

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Miraculously, he does get out of the cage to become the Linus we’re familiar with in the novels. His hardships have made him tough, surviving them has given him the gift of hindsight and laughing at his mistakes. A wife has made him passionate; fatherhood has made him tender; being loved has made him lovable. And despite all the defeats and setbacks and disappointments, he’s already won the game of life for simply making it this far and getting the chance to try again. This second try is the focus of our journey with Linus, in that casting off the past, one can take a look at the now and make the right choice.

 

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And then I made myself draw this one and had to stop myself from crying. Given his projected lifespan, Linus is probably about one-hundred-and-ten in this drawing.The chiseled jaw is gone, the hard forehead is gone. The eyes are milky and rheumy. The cheeks are hollow and jowly. His hair is snowy white and downy. His clothes have changed to reflect a newer style and someone, a daughter or son perhaps, has draped a blanket over his shoulders. Yet he’s still got a roguish grin on his face as his faded eyes blink mistily at you. You can hear him wheeze with a deep growly voice, “I could still kick your arse, kid,” and you would just nod and smile at him, because it wasn’t true anymore.

*SIIIIIIIIGHHHHHHH* Anyway…

So yeah. This experiment made me realize that there’s a lot of things I haven’t considered when it comes to character creation. I have no idea if this last picture is canon. Maybe Linus doesn’t make it that far, maybe something else happens. I don’t know, but it’s a fact that we all get older and we all die, unless you’re an Elf.

Lousy stinking Elves. 

Again, I have to point out that these blog posts might disappear suddenly because my computer is on the blink and going fast. Help me to keep writing and updating by donating to my GoFundMe to help get a new computer. Find out more about Linus in my Linus Saga series, Must Love Dragons.

Tomorrow I’ll be posting about Linus’ perpetual middle child, Thisbe.

Thanks for reading!

Character Spotlight: Carson Weedwhacker

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In keeping with the Offspring of Linus theme, this week’s spotlight is on Linus’ oldest son, and second-born, Carson. 

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Carson Weedwhacker by Monica Marier

We first get to know Carson as a sharp-tongued 13-year-old in Runs in Good Condition. Carson is in every way a typical teen-aged boy of the intelligent bookish variety. He’s opinionated, insightful, sensitive and has the cynicism of a 70-year-old crank. Carson has had frequent troubles with bullies in his peer group (as mentioned in Must Love Dragons) and it’s made him a bit fragile and distrustful of others. It doesn’t help that Carson has inherited some magical ability from his mother’s side and wants to be a wizard more than anything. His dad, Linus, (who has had more near-death experiences by the hands of wizards who “had meant well” than by any other cause) is horrified and disappointed. Carson deals with his frustrations by venting them out his mouth most of the time. If he inherited magic from his mother, he’s definitely inherited his father’s mouth and inability to know when to shut up. We all know he’ll go far one day if he can survive puberty.

FUN FACTS:

*Carson is more-or-less based off of all of my brothers (a grand total of 5).

*Like his other siblings, Carson is the spitting image of his Elven grandfather, with blond hair, long pointed ears, and green eyes. As time rolls by we’ll see that of all the children, he looks the most like Hilmiel.

*Carson’s middle name is Rudolph, after Linus’ favorite brother who died when he was a young man. 

*Carson will one day be mentor to another wizard, the Great Meriwether Maydock (his grandson) who will grow up to be the idol of Evelyn Kelly of Madame Bluestocking’s Pennyhorrid. The whole story of their meeting was written in a holiday short story Called “Meri’s Christmas.” You can read the whole story FREE on my old blog. It also reveals some later facts about Carson’s life.

*When at University, Carson has a great magical adventure with his sister, Irene, and their transvestite cousin, Kevin. That story may one day get its own book, and will not be told in any future Linus novel, since Linus isn’t in it. A rift in dimensions, a mirror, an afternoon tea, and a hedgehog are involved.

*Carson will try to learn a trade in the next book to please his dad. 

That’s about it for Carson. Next week, we’ll take a look at Thisbe, the impossible girl. 

As always, please consider donating to my GoFund me, to help me get a new computer. Every little bit helps me keep earning for my family.

 

 

 

What Flavour is Your Fantasy?

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So the number one thing I’ve been asked about Paracelos in the Linus Saga, particularly about Runs In Good Condition is, “How come your fantasy isn’t so fantasy?” Which probably means, “why isn’t it set in the medieval/renaissance period?”

Now, I for one think that the rule with fantasy genre is “my world my rules” which is why I have 1930’s union turmoil, pop stars, working women, and chainmail all in the same world. Despite these “anachronisms” (if that word even applies) I still wanted to give everything a unified theme so about 80% of my world is based off of Regency Period England (Late 18th cen. Early 19th cen.) a.k.a Jane Austen’s time period.

Why? Because I wanted Elves dressed like Mr. Darcy.

I’m sure there was more to that decision, but I’m drawing a blank. I think if there was anything else, it was because I wanted something a little different from the usual Camelot crossed with a Renn faire vibe, and I was already very interested in researching the late Georgian period anyway.

I found a great site to do my research on; most of it came from janeausten.co.uk . This is a site dedicated the life, times, and historical sites in Jane Austen’s life and in her novels. There’s ton(ne?)s of articles on the Regency period: what they wore, what they ate, how they entertained themselves, and how they behaved. In the articles I got a lot of inspiration for scenes and items that were featured in my books.

Not surprisingly, Linus and his family’s clothes were close adaptations of regency fashion, down to the cravat and black dance slippers.

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Regency Man With Daughter

The scene were Linus gives Deirdre a cameo necklace is based off a popular jewelry craze in the Georgian period.

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Victorian Cameos

And then there are just some crazy coincidences. I had already written a passage about Linus making a ton of raspberry vinegar punch. That idea came one hot day when I had gotten a free sample of raspberry vinegar punch at a Korean market. It was only later when I was looking up recipes (there are some great recipes on janeausten.co.uk!) that I found an article about how raspberry vinegar punch was all the rage in the late Georgian period!

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Raspberry Vinegar Punch

I love doing research like this. It’s one of my most favorite things about being a writer!

For people who are interested in creating their own world, I have this advice: Be original. Don’t try to make another Middle Earth or Pern or Prydain, but for all that: pick a time and pick a place. Find out what they wore and why, what they ate and why, how they worked, how they played, how they loved. It doesn’t have to be 100% accurate, and feel free to mess it up and get your hands dirty, but it’s a great jumping off point for creating a fleshed out, 3-demensional world that feels real.

And have fun with it! If you’re having fun, chances are we’ll have fun reading it!

So until next post, Happy hot chocolate and syllabub, and don’t get your pink tights in a twist! ❤

Don’t forget to stop by my GoFundMe and please consider sharing or donating!

 

 

 

Images via janeausten.co.uk

 

Des thee haef de lernig?

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A few weeks ago I posted as a joke some Elven “worksheets” on the site. A lot of people have asked about my Elven language for Tereand about how it started, why I did it, what’s it based on etc. Well, I never intended to have a complicated language for my world, for starters. It started out as sort of a phonetic Glasgow accent mixed with Beowulf-age Old English/Germanic and spoken with a Welsh accent. And then I actually had to start writing stuff down and remembering what words I used and what syntax I agreed on for everything. It was definitely a micro-to-macro process that got more complicated as I went and required more and more effort with each passage. And as I went, it was more and more imperative that I practice learning real languages.

I’ve always been a big polyglot. I love languages and I have varying-to-middling proficiency in Polish, Spanish, Chinese, Japanese, German, Norwegian, and Czech. Some of these I studied in school and college and some of these I’ve been studying on an website/ap called Memrise. It’s a great crowd-sourced language site that helps you study by giving you a chance to make your own images and mnemonic devices. It also makes you take it slow, learning a little at  time every day. It’s been a valuable tool to helping me get a feel for the languages I want to imitate and how they differ from English.

For example, Tereand Elven relies heavily on German syntax and word construction, even if the words are more Celtic sounding. In my next book, the Halflings have a few words which are based heavily on Norwegian language. Eventually, as I expand to other regions of Tereand I’ll be dabbling with other languages (I think I just heard my editor burst into tears!) with bases in Greek, Hindi and Polish. For now I’ll just keep a GIANT excell file with all my madness intact.

I also highly reccommend The Language Creation Society which gives you lots of tools for creating your own language.

Remember kids: Friends don’t let friends become xenolinguists and every time you write in Elven your editor cries.

Good night.

 As always, Please consider donating to help me provide free web content and continue earning money for my family.

Character Spotlight Irene Weedwhacker

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This week I’ve heard requests for info on Linus’s kids. So starting with Irene, I’ll introduce everyone to the whole brood. This week’s kid is Irene Weedwhacker.

 

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Irene Weedwhacker (age 15)

 

She’s mentioned first in Must Love Dragons but we really get to know her in Runs In Good Condition. She’s Linus’s oldest child and pretty much third in command at the Weedwhacker household. She’s not much based off of my real-life daughter, but rather based instead on my experiences as an oldest child helping to raise very young children. We’re going to watch her grow up in this series as she comes into adulthood and some of the decisions that entails.

So why is she in a relationship with a 20-year-old in the book?

I have to say, that as far as characters not behaving themselves, those two are the worst. Irene and Morfindel can not and will not listen to me and so this very awkward and not entirely wholesome attachment is just beyond my control. I think I feel about the same as Linus does about it—furious and offended.

The reason it happened is probably because of two things:

a) Irene is very mature for her age. The eldest child of seven is the one who grows up the fastest. She’s been momma number two since kid four was born and has had to shoulder a lot of responsibilities and duties that most teens don’t have to endure. This has made her very stoic, level-headed, and impatient to be recognized and respected as an adult. If she already has to have the duties of an adult, why shouldn’t she be treated like one?

b) Morfindel is very immature for his age. Since Morf spent most of his childhood cloistered away with other boys, he’s got a lot of growing up to do still.

So what we get here is the meeting of two people, seven years apart, who mentally are the same age. We’ll see in the series if that playing field stays level or not, but considering Irene and Morfindel are already “engaged to be engaged”…

Facts about Irene:

1. She’s not much of a hausfrau and has no ambition to be. She’s very good at watching kids and organizing things, but she can’t cook, or sew, and hates cleaning. She prefers to read books and socialize with girls her age, even if she feels that the other girls don’t always understand what she’s talking about or share her opinions.

2. Irene has been trying to get her Dad let her go to University and it is for one reason only: so she can get two blessed minutes to herself for once. Irene has become painfully aware that her entire life has revovled around doing things for other people and is starting to wonder who she really is. Terrified that she might be roped into being unofficial nanny to the family for the rest of her life, Irene wants to get away by the only outlet that a self-respecting girl of an upper-middle-class family can achieve it: school.

3. Irene, and all of her brothers and sisters, look exactly like Linus’s dad, Hilmiel. I will reveal why in a few books, but there’s a reason for it.

4. In Tereand, Irene’s age group has a few ways to keep themselves entertained.
* Assemblies Big parties with local young people. Some are simple card parties where groups can play whist, cassino, or quadrille. Some have a band playing music and lots of food and dancing where young people can meet and interact in a chaperoned environment.

* Chocolate Houses Coffee houses are so last year! The young people in Tereand meet eachother at Chocolate Houses to sample drinking chocolate (laced with spices), to talk about the latest song books released by their favorite artists, new trends in clothing, and occasionally to hear a whiny ponce play the guitar or recite poetry

*Parks There are many public parks in Tereand where groups can meet to play battledores, croquet, cricket, boules, or simply bring their easel’s to paint or sketch

Some would think that Irene would never be at a loss for things to do or people to do them with, but then some have never tried to get dinner into six other children when Mum and Dad were both running late.

That’s it for this week’s spotlight! Next week I’ll do Oldest Boychild Carson.

Thanks for reading, and please consider donating to my art:

Character Spotlight Lynald Winguard

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Sorry for the radio silence! Between Ravencon, a lung/sinus infection and a flooded basement I’ve been running behind on stuff. But I did have time to do a little extra special art for this week’s spotlight on Lynald Winguard, the co-star of Madame Bluestocking’s Pennyhorrid.

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Lynald Winguard was the brainchild of a college bout of procrastination. Back when the internet was shiny and new I was enamoured of an image generator called “hero machine.” One day I was playing around, avoiding my assignments (like ya do) when I randomly created a peculiar looking elf. He was dressed as a 1930’s pilot, with a whip and a torch. He looked very dashing and Indiana Jones-esque. I knew immediately knew that his name was Lynald Winguard (Bad spelling was my forte back then). It looked a lot like this recreation:
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I loved it so much I printed it off and hung it on my wall. It stayed on my walls through most of college, but sadly, he had no story. Lynald had no home, no personality, no goals. 

It was only later when I was thinking of writing a weekly serial that this dashing pilot came back into my head. He was a pilot but I wanted to make this a steampunk fantasy, so rather than a plane, I decided to give him a dragon in a world of steam dragon machines. I then paired him with a conniving, selfish, cowardly Orchid Hunter from another story idea, changed him slightly into a neurotic wizard and there was my team for Madame Bluestocking’s Pennyhorrid. 

I stuck him in Tereand, because it was already there, I just set the clock forward 200 years. A lot happened to Linus’ world in that time, chiefly almost all the magic and Elves have died out. I don’t want to go into much detail on that. It depresses me. But anyway here’s some Lynald facts, including (as requested by fans) stuff his own mother doesn’t know.

 

FACTS:

 

WHAT WERE HIS EARLY YEARS LIKE?

Lynald is the only son of Sylvestir and Gwynriell, two first cousins who isolated themselves from the rest of their clan, and pretty much the world too. The Winguards decided that the ultimate way to save the dying race of Elves was to revive the old traditions of the Elves of centuries ago. They lived like hermits, communicated only with other Elves of sufficient lineage, and tried to raise their poor son as a golden epitome of the Elven Ideal.

Lynald was forced to learn fencing, bowmanry, ancient traditions and customs, and the dead Elven tongue. He failed abysmally at all of these.Lynald had no head for academics, languages, and his parents’ constant hectoring. He resolved to run away at the first chance he got. It was only when he convinced his father to let him attend university to learn more about Elven history that he got his chance. He stayed at University for all of eight weeks before doing a runner and joining a touring opera company. He spent years becoming a classically trained tenor, countertenor and actor until his company toured an Imperial Air Force base and saw a fleet of dragons flying overhead. Enamoured with the creatures he parted ways with the opera company and enlisted as a pilot in training. After going AWOL, he traveled throughout Paracelos getting by on his charm, eclectic talents (including a mastery of machinery) and the occasional confidence trick. That’s when he ran into Evelyn Kelly. The time-frame of these adventures is muzzy at best. Lynald himself doesn’t know how old he is.

At this point he has had little to no contact with his parents. He has only written them to announce that he is no longer “Sylvester’s son.”

 

HOW DID HE MEET KELLY?

Lynald’s first meeting with Kelly was pretty much a comedy of errors. Lynald was escaping another hot pursuit from the Air Force when he spotted a show by his old opera company. He slipped in the back door and made his way to the prima dona, Anwe Druhelian’s dressing room. After an *ahem* agreement was struck, the lady agreed to hide in her room while Lynald took her place on stage as the title role in “Die Dame Regina der Dreiundzwanzig Schürzen.”

 

In the audience that evening was a Byronic figure, Mr. Evelyn Kelly, an avid opera-lover who was “celebrating” the termination of another one-sided relationship with a girl. He was looking forward to seeing his favorite opera singer, Madame Druhelian on stage for the first time. He was not disappointed. Madame was radiant, stunning, and showed amazing presence while attacking her songs with her angelic, regal voice. Kelly was entranced, falling under her spell as she sang. She’s singing to me, he thought foolishly.

After the show, shocked at his own boldness, Kelly decided that he had to—he must—meet this astounding woman and tell her how wonderful he thought she was. He saw her in the grand foyer afterwards (which was oddly crowded by many men in uniforms for some reason). She was hiding demurely behind a fan and after a lot of anxiety and false starts, he managed to finally approach her. She tried to politely shoo him away, but Kelly knew his course and without reservation, snatched her fan away and blurted out, “I love you!” he was surprised to hear the good lady growl, “PISS OFF,” in a very mannish voice. 

Of course by then, the uniformed men were starting to swarm on the two of them, (Kelly is now guilty by association) so they started running and they’ve pretty much never stopped. Kelly’s regard towards Lynald shifted to a DRASTICALLY different branch of friendship, but he never stopped being in total awe of Lynald.

 

OTHER THINGS:

*It’s pure coincidence that Lynald shared the same initials as Linus Weedwhacker. He’s actually not related to Linus at all, but he IS related (distantly) to both Bart Yenasfrin (On his mother’s side) of Must Love Dragons and Vilori Reagan (On his father’s side) of Runs in Good Condition. 

* His dragon Philomena, I named after Saint Philomena, a very minor Catholic saint who died a martyr and a virgin.

*Lynald has never married, but he’s been engaged a few times. The first was a childhood sweetheart (a cousin) that he ran away from (more on that someday), there were some whirlwind romances that were cut short by fathers, rival suitors, or the good lady coming to her senses, and most recently there was Renata, who was a loony about preserving the Elven Race as Lynald’s parents. He’s also been engaged as a “kept man” (again, more on that later).

*Despite his icy relationship with his parents, he’s on good terms with his more distant relations, who actually pity him his nut-job parents and often offer to bring him into more “liberal” Elven society.

*Lynald’s Dragon saddle is a unique design, patented by the Tereand Imperial Air Force of treated leather, wool, and canvas, all treated to be as flame retardant and insular as possible. Some good amount of stretching is needed before the pilot mounts his dragon, since their bodies are rather wide. The rider holds his seat with the help of straps and an emergency tether. The only problem is if the Dragon decides to shoot fire at anything. The seat can become very hot, sometimes resulting in dermal burns similar to a bad sunburn. There are jokes among Air Force towns about the dashing pilots and their “cooked sausages.” 

*Lynald can fly Philomena without crashing but chooses not to for the sake of comedic narrative.

Character Spotlight Deirdre the Indomitable

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I got some requests to cover Deirdre this week so here’s the lowdown on Linus Weedwhacker’s other half.

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We meet Deirdre at the end of the first book in the Linus Saga, Must Love Dragons, but she’s a constant presence throughout the book and her relationship with Linus is the linchpin in the series. It’s no secret that Deirdre is a 300-ish-year-old red dragon. Her father was a Human wizard with the gift of shape changing. Ulric the White was famous for changing into various creatures to see how they lived. He got a bit in over his head when he transformed into a red dragon and met Deirdre’s imposing mum. One clutch later, Betty took off leaving Ulric the Dragon with five baby boy dragons and one girl dragon. The boys left the nest as soon as they learned to fly,but the girl stayed with him.

Unlike her mother and brothers, Deirdre was very attached to her father and the two kept each other company. Ulric taught his daughter how to shape change and educated her as best he could. Despite their mutual camaraderie, in a few centuries Ulric began to feel old and tired. One day changed back into a human for the last time and quietly passed away, leaving Deirdre alone.

She was a little befuddled by her newfound freedom and after a few clumsy raids on neighbouring sheep, she found herself the target of several attacks by locals and treasure-hunters. She began to feel that life was nothing but a horrible struggle to defend yourself from everyone else. She was hurt and lonely and didn’t understand why everyone was determined to kill her.

That’s when a drunk Linus stumbled into her cave and did something different: he fell over and had a seizure. Most likely it was because he was the only person who hadn’t taken a punch at her, or  maybe it was her human half calling out to her, or that she felt a need to help a dying man, like she’d helped her father, she felt an instant attachment to Linus and the two were cemented together by fate.

It wasn’t exactly a love-at-first-sight, happily ever after Disney, tra-la-la, love story. There were a lot of teething troubles, as there generally is when you suddenly stop being a 12-ton fire-breathing sauroid and become a fragile, soft, pink, monkey-creature. Between complicated human mating ritual and the rather straight-forward but unfulfilling dragon rituals but after so many years and a lot of kids it seems to have worked out for them. Deidre is a stoic amazon warrior matriarch, even if she waffles between confidant and insecure frequently. The confidence comes out when she forgets that she’s not a dragon anymore. The insecurity comes out when she remembers.

 

Fun Facts:

*Her first name was Deirdre and eventually became Deirdremagorafangowenetherix (DEE-dree-ma-GO-rah-FAN-go-wen-ETH-er-ix). Dragons get bored with their names and after a long time or a great victory they like to celebrate by adding a syllable to their names. A long name is usually the sign of an old dragon or a vain one.

*She actually LIKES being a mother of lots of kids. Dragon clutches are usually around six or seven so large families are typical in dragon family if not always so intimate. If anything she’s probably just frustrated that she has to do it in so many goes to get the family -size she wants.

* Deirdre has to be very careful about changing back into a Dragon. She misses being a Dragon a lot but since her magic is dampened in her human form, she’s worried about how it will go. She had a few close calls early on, so she hasn’t changed form in nearly 15 years. She misses flying most of all.

* Her five brothers are named (in short form) Barney, Enoch, Wallace, Carl, and Orin. Orin was Deirdre’s closest thing to a childhood friend, and her favorite brother (which is whom Orin is named after). Barney, on the other hand, keeps trying to get Deirdre to get the kids to come to his cave so he can eat them.

*Carson has inherited some of his grandfather, Ulric’s, ability to use magic and is interested in  becoming a wizard.

*Deirdre’s mum HATES Linus and he is not allowed to visit her under any circumstances. She’s a very kind grandmother to the kids, however, despite a chilly but civil relationship with her daughter. Deirdre never really forgave her mother for abandoning them.

*Her voice in my head sounds like Isabella Rossilini

 

 

Sharpie Mug Tutorial THAT ACTUALLY WORKS

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Okay, for those of you who’ve followed me on Facebook, You’ve probably seen a lot of pictures of coffee mugs that I’ve been working on. Like these ones here:

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Left is a picture of my daughter’s fox friend, Orange Pekoe; the middle is a TARDIS mug that’s bigger on the inside (I wish!); and lastly a lovely Gondor mug for a cup of second breakfast blend.

 

I recently discovered on Pinterest how to make personalized mugs that will stand the test of washing up. Well so many of them said to use just regular sharpies and from “conditioning the mugs” with anything from oven baking, to hot water tempering, to a heavy shellac of krylon crystal seal bond was guaranteed to keep the sharpie from washing off. 

WRONG.

Tell that to poor Tom Servo!!

 

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RIP Sir Htom Sirveaux. Baked alcohol-based sharpie with baked on Krylon crystal seal. Came off with a soft sponge in cold water SURPRISINGLY easy.

As you can see regular sharpie has no way to bond to the shiny ceramic so it just slides off like warm butter sliding off a sheet of Lucite. (My chemist friends are going to tear me a new one for that analogy.)

So digging through the hearsay and the tried-and true, I stumbled on the winning combination: OIL-based paint markers and baking.

These guys:

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Pictured: Good markers.
Not Pictured: Suck markers.

These are ordinary oil-based paint sharpies that you can get at any craft store. They run about $4 each and come in a fairly limited range of colours. You don’t have to buy sharpie brand but they MUST be oil-based and state that they will bond to glass or porcelain or you’re wasting your time and money.

All you need now is a mug to decorate and an idea!

1. I bought this mug today at Dollar Tree for $1 before taxes. Again, I’m limited by the colours that are there (I had a choice of orange, green, blue and yellow today) so I have to think really hard about what I feel like drawing. Check the mug and get one without any cracks or pitting. We’re going to be baking this guy so teeny problems will turn into bad ovens when baked. Before you start, you should take off all stickers and wash the mug in soap and water, making sure to dry it completely before starting.

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Seriously $1. Too bad everything comes in avocado for $1.

 

2. Come up with your idea and DRAW IT FIRST ON PAPER.
The green and brown got me thinking about rangers so I decided to do a mug for the Rangers Union featuring the triple leaf design that I’ve described in my books.

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The Rangers Union Logo is a registered trademark of the Rangers Union LLC ®1480. Unauthorised use or reproduction of the Rangers Union Logo is in direct violation of Imperial Law and any and all violators may face harsh penalties including jail time and/or a fine of up to $12,000 dollars and/or death.

3. Now we’re ready to start on our mug. Oops! I made the right side of the image a little too cramped. Rubbing alcohol to the rescue!  (You can also see what sort of coupon flyers we get out in the country)

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Hey! Chicken wire is on sale at True Value.

A little swipe gets rid of wonky lines. Back to work.

4. There! Lines all done and ready for baking. I think I erased the second “R” about 14 times. 😛 

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It looks so official!! 😀

And because I’m being silly, I’ve added a demotivational quote on the back to remind me that as bad as I have it, it could be worse. I could work for Gruthsfield.

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Also great quotes by T. Grusthfield: “If the bleeding has stopped, it’s probably nothing,” and “Kneecaps being broken hurts; by comparison, paying dues is rather pleasant.”

 

5. Time for baking! Most sites vary on times and temperature, but they all agree on one thing: put your mug in while the oven is still preheating. This prevents temperature shock and further chance that your cheap-o mug might crack during baking. I put the mug upside-down because I think it will prevent browning on the rim, but what do I know? I used foil because I didn’t want any of the mug to get caked on creosote on it from my ancient cookie pan.

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Now for the fire gnomes to do their job.

I do my mugs at 425° for 30-35 minutes, checking to see if the mug is turning brown for any reason or catching fire or whatever. It does stink. It’s on par with doing Fimo jewelry or painting your nails for bad odors. Annoying but not lethal or life-altering and it doesn’t make my food taste gross afterwards, thank goodness.

 

6. After you’ve taken out your mug and allowed it to THOROUGHLY COOL. I recommend you let the design “cure” for 24 hours before washing, to prevent any design damage caused by the paint not cooling thoroughly. After that, light hand washing in warm water should take care of any washing needs from then on. Now, if you’re really brave I’ve been TOLD you can put them in the dishwasher, but I’m hesitant to put my art to the test. I WILL say that the designs are REALLY tough.

I scrubbed at the fox mug with a scrubby sponge in HOT water and the art didn’t budge! You might get some cloudiness with darker designs but any dark stains wipe away easily and I haven’t had any cloudiness after the first wash.

So there you go! Mug designs that you can do yourself at home!

I’m also starting to take commissions on mugs myself, so if you’re interested, please send me a note at beppo_the_monkey[at]yahoo.com ! I’m starting to price them at $20 + shipping, but we’ll see what my research on shipping shows. Hope this helped! Happy baking!

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Opa!

 ☆*:.。. o(≧▽≦)oc[_] .。.:*☆

Learn to Speak Elven Part 2

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Tereand Elven Part 2. 

Vocabulary:  

Ilf/ Ilfani: Elf/ Elfan

Uman/ Umani: Human/ Human (of human race)

Duerga/ Duergani: Dwarf/ Dwarfen

Trok/ Troki: Troll/ Trollish

Yrch/ Yrcha: Orc/ Orcish

Hobya/ Hobyani: Halfling/ Halfling (of Halfling race)

Additional Vocabulary:
e, en : a, an

note: The second form is also the plural form of the race ie: Ilfani=Elves, Umani=Humans.

Homework Excersise Two:

Translate the Following sentances:

Ex. I am a Troll.  Il as en Umani.

1.They are human.  ___________________

2. Are you (plural) haflings? ______________________

3.We are not dwarves.  _______________________

4. Yes, we are elven. _____________________

5. You are trollish.  ____________________

6. My name is (your name.) _______________________

 

Learn to Speak Elven Part 1

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I’m on Spring Break this weekend so I decided it might be fun if I did a little “Elven Lesson” in Tereand Elvish. These fake exercises are how I started building the Elven language that I put all novels in Tereand (like Must Love Dragons and Madame Bluestocking’s Pennyhorrid). I’ll actually be doing a panel on language building at Ravencon next week so I thought this would be a good exercise.

These are all words in the OFFICIAL Tereand Lexicon (ie, the excel file in my doc. folder) and I’ll attempt to be as “official as possible.” Ready? 🙂

Lesson One / Falthe Enn

My Name Is… / Mei Maineh Es…

Vocabulary:

 Il: I

mei: me/ my

ta: you (informal)

thee: you (formal)

wen: us/we

theeyn: they/ you (plural)

di: it

as: am

es: is

ere: are

yae: yes

nae: no/ not

name: maineh

 Mei maineh es__________: My name is__________

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HOMEWORK Exercise 1:

Translate the following phrases:

Example:  E. You are    Ta ere   

1. Yes (informal), I am _______________________

2. You (formal) are _______________________

3. We are not_____________________

4. They are __________________

5. It is ___________________