Category Archives: Uncategorized

Apr21

Sharpie Mug Tutorial THAT ACTUALLY WORKS

Posted on by
Standard

Okay, for those of you who’ve followed me on Facebook, You’ve probably seen a lot of pictures of coffee mugs that I’ve been working on. Like these ones here:

Image

Left is a picture of my daughter’s fox friend, Orange Pekoe; the middle is a TARDIS mug that’s bigger on the inside (I wish!); and lastly a lovely Gondor mug for a cup of second breakfast blend.

 

I recently discovered on Pinterest how to make personalized mugs that will stand the test of washing up. Well so many of them said to use just regular sharpies and from “conditioning the mugs” with anything from oven baking, to hot water tempering, to a heavy shellac of krylon crystal seal bond was guaranteed to keep the sharpie from washing off. 

WRONG.

Tell that to poor Tom Servo!!

 

Image

RIP Sir Htom Sirveaux. Baked alcohol-based sharpie with baked on Krylon crystal seal. Came off with a soft sponge in cold water SURPRISINGLY easy.

As you can see regular sharpie has no way to bond to the shiny ceramic so it just slides off like warm butter sliding off a sheet of Lucite. (My chemist friends are going to tear me a new one for that analogy.)

So digging through the hearsay and the tried-and true, I stumbled on the winning combination: OIL-based paint markers and baking.

These guys:

Image

Pictured: Good markers.
Not Pictured: Suck markers.

These are ordinary oil-based paint sharpies that you can get at any craft store. They run about $4 each and come in a fairly limited range of colours. You don’t have to buy sharpie brand but they MUST be oil-based and state that they will bond to glass or porcelain or you’re wasting your time and money.

All you need now is a mug to decorate and an idea!

1. I bought this mug today at Dollar Tree for $1 before taxes. Again, I’m limited by the colours that are there (I had a choice of orange, green, blue and yellow today) so I have to think really hard about what I feel like drawing. Check the mug and get one without any cracks or pitting. We’re going to be baking this guy so teeny problems will turn into bad ovens when baked. Before you start, you should take off all stickers and wash the mug in soap and water, making sure to dry it completely before starting.

Image

Seriously $1. Too bad everything comes in avocado for $1.

 

2. Come up with your idea and DRAW IT FIRST ON PAPER.
The green and brown got me thinking about rangers so I decided to do a mug for the Rangers Union featuring the triple leaf design that I’ve described in my books.

Image

The Rangers Union Logo is a registered trademark of the Rangers Union LLC ®1480. Unauthorised use or reproduction of the Rangers Union Logo is in direct violation of Imperial Law and any and all violators may face harsh penalties including jail time and/or a fine of up to $12,000 dollars and/or death.

3. Now we’re ready to start on our mug. Oops! I made the right side of the image a little too cramped. Rubbing alcohol to the rescue!  (You can also see what sort of coupon flyers we get out in the country)

Image

Hey! Chicken wire is on sale at True Value.

A little swipe gets rid of wonky lines. Back to work.

4. There! Lines all done and ready for baking. I think I erased the second “R” about 14 times. 😛 

Image

It looks so official!! 😀

And because I’m being silly, I’ve added a demotivational quote on the back to remind me that as bad as I have it, it could be worse. I could work for Gruthsfield.

Image

Also great quotes by T. Grusthfield: “If the bleeding has stopped, it’s probably nothing,” and “Kneecaps being broken hurts; by comparison, paying dues is rather pleasant.”

 

5. Time for baking! Most sites vary on times and temperature, but they all agree on one thing: put your mug in while the oven is still preheating. This prevents temperature shock and further chance that your cheap-o mug might crack during baking. I put the mug upside-down because I think it will prevent browning on the rim, but what do I know? I used foil because I didn’t want any of the mug to get caked on creosote on it from my ancient cookie pan.

Image

Now for the fire gnomes to do their job.

I do my mugs at 425° for 30-35 minutes, checking to see if the mug is turning brown for any reason or catching fire or whatever. It does stink. It’s on par with doing Fimo jewelry or painting your nails for bad odors. Annoying but not lethal or life-altering and it doesn’t make my food taste gross afterwards, thank goodness.

 

6. After you’ve taken out your mug and allowed it to THOROUGHLY COOL. I recommend you let the design “cure” for 24 hours before washing, to prevent any design damage caused by the paint not cooling thoroughly. After that, light hand washing in warm water should take care of any washing needs from then on. Now, if you’re really brave I’ve been TOLD you can put them in the dishwasher, but I’m hesitant to put my art to the test. I WILL say that the designs are REALLY tough.

I scrubbed at the fox mug with a scrubby sponge in HOT water and the art didn’t budge! You might get some cloudiness with darker designs but any dark stains wipe away easily and I haven’t had any cloudiness after the first wash.

So there you go! Mug designs that you can do yourself at home!

I’m also starting to take commissions on mugs myself, so if you’re interested, please send me a note at beppo_the_monkey[at]yahoo.com ! I’m starting to price them at $20 + shipping, but we’ll see what my research on shipping shows. Hope this helped! Happy baking!

Image

 

Opa!

 ☆*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)oc[_] .｡.:*☆

Apr15

Learn to Speak Elven Part 2

Posted on by
Standard

Tereand Elven Part 2. 

Vocabulary:  

Ilf/ Ilfani: Elf/ Elfan

Uman/ Umani: Human/ Human (of human race)

Duerga/ Duergani: Dwarf/ Dwarfen

Trok/ Troki: Troll/ Trollish

Yrch/ Yrcha: Orc/ Orcish

Hobya/ Hobyani: Halfling/ Halfling (of Halfling race)

Additional Vocabulary:
e, en : a, an

note: The second form is also the plural form of the race ie: Ilfani=Elves, Umani=Humans.

Homework Excersise Two:

Translate the Following sentances:

Ex. I am a Troll.  Il as en Umani.

1.They are human.  ___________________

2. Are you (plural) haflings? ______________________

3.We are not dwarves.  _______________________

4. Yes, we are elven. _____________________

5. You are trollish.  ____________________

6. My name is (your name.) _______________________

 

Apr14

Learn to Speak Elven Part 1

Posted on by
Standard

I’m on Spring Break this weekend so I decided it might be fun if I did a little “Elven Lesson” in Tereand Elvish. These fake exercises are how I started building the Elven language that I put all novels in Tereand (like Must Love Dragons and Madame Bluestocking’s Pennyhorrid). I’ll actually be doing a panel on language building at Ravencon next week so I thought this would be a good exercise.

These are all words in the OFFICIAL Tereand Lexicon (ie, the excel file in my doc. folder) and I’ll attempt to be as “official as possible.” Ready? 🙂

Lesson One / Falthe Enn

My Name Is… / Mei Maineh Es…

Vocabulary:

 Il: I

mei: me/ my

ta: you (informal)

thee: you (formal)

wen: us/we

theeyn: they/ you (plural)

di: it

as: am

es: is

ere: are

yae: yes

nae: no/ not

name: maineh

 Mei maineh es__________: My name is__________

*****

HOMEWORK Exercise 1:

Translate the following phrases:

Example:  E. You are    Ta ere   

1. Yes (informal), I am _______________________

2. You (formal) are _______________________

3. We are not_____________________

4. They are __________________

5. It is ___________________

 

Apr11

Pies and Art

Posted on by
Standard

This morning I had another wake up call. Someone in an artists’ group I belong to had posted pictures of merchandise she was selling. She had used art which many people recognized as being stolen from a Deviant Art site, and did not belong to her. AND SHE WAS SELLING IT AS HERS. The perp refused to believe she was in the wrong, protesting, “But I can’t do it myself! I can’t draw! I only got it from the internet! That’s not stealing!” 

That’s when I lost it and saw red. This post was originally going to be a nasty long drawn out letter to that person, but instead I decided that my argument would work better as a comic illustrating in clear points why stealing other artists’ work to sell as your own is wrong. Sorry if it’s a bit preachy, but this needs to be said. If it speaks to you or you know some people who need enlightenment on this subject, please feel free to share. This one’s on me.

Image

 

Apr9

Character Spotlight: Miles Reyner the Entertainer

Posted on by
Standard

So this week’s spotlight is on Miles Reyner, the sweet pop star who’s first introduced in Runs In Good Condition.

Image

Miles is a charming clean-cut teen idol in RiGC in which I kind of combine modern stars like Zach Efron and Justin Beiber with more old-timey super stars like Vivaldi or Mozart. He defies the stereotype of the jerkwad teen with too much fame money and power, but is that simply because he’s trying to make a good impression on Linus’s oldest daughter or not? He’s the reason several songs appear in RiGC, although I’m learning that I will never be able to STOP putting songs in my books, no matter how I try.

The biggest question I get about Miles is why he’s so different in CRIT! than he is in Runs In Good Condition? Well that ultimately comes down to writing teams. I wrote RiGC long before we’d conceived of doing a comic about it and shortly after we started writing CRIT! my brother, Dave Joria, was wondering if he could be “in charge” of a character for writing sessions (aka: D&D games).

I told him I had a Bard in my next book and gave him a loving description of Miles Reyner…and Dave chucked it out the window. That’s why in the comic, Miles is a obtuse, egocentric, bombastic, glory hound in tight leather pants. It was so hilarious I didn’t have the heart to make him stop. He was even the inspiration behind the Handbook for Saucy Bards, which has been our breakout hit!

So does that mean the two Miles have no connection? Wellllll. Let’s just say that Justin Beiber was once a “sweet kid” too.

FUN FACTS:

*Miles is actually Half-elven. It just never comes up in the book (there are LOTS of Half-elves in Gwynnharrafadd). Also, his hair tends to cover his ears.

*One of Mile’s trademark decorations is a quizzing glass on a chain (a sort of monocle with a handle), a fashionable piece of jewelry in the Regency Period.

*Almost all of Miles’ songs are written down in the book with the exception of the opening number for his concert. In my head, he’s always singing this song: the song that inspired him.

The Entertainer by Billy Joel. I do not own the rights to this clip.

That’s it for Miles this week. I look forward to your comments and suggestions for next week’s victim!

 

Apr4

Who’s Kevin McRealguy

Posted on by
Standard

A while ago I had this conversation on Facebook:

Screenshot

Me: Toying with the idea of a male pen name to publish under, but I keep getting the sillies. So far I’ve gotten Mann Riter, Duke Longcock, Dude Macho, Kevin Realguy, and Birk Totesman.
Replies:
1: Jock Manbro?
Me: Slab McRib
1: Stan McDudeguy
2: Chin McNads
Me: Harry Guymember
1: Brock Blokeyfist
Me: Stache Von Surham
1: Sir Male Mansome of the Muscle-upon-Hardbody Mansomes.
Me: Tor Ironbatch
3: Bob Johnson (oh wait.)

 

It was funny enough at first, and I got something like an unprecedented 65 responses, all in the vein of silly names. It was a lot of fun, but in the end it made me very depressed. I kept thinking about what might of happened if I HAD been a male writing Fantasy instead of a woman.

First of all, this discussion popped up after a fellow writer Emma Newman had done a large initiative towards Waterstones books after they published a sort of  “Dummy’s Guide to Fantasy Authors” which featured predominately white male authors. I’m usually pretty much in the dark about this kind of bias. I grew up with brothers, most of my friends growing up were guys, and so on, so I usually think of myself as “one of the guys.” I’d toyed with the idea of a pen name or doing the ‘initial thing’ early on, but decided not to because I naively thought that it wouldn’t matter. “No one is going to care, right?”

It’s only when I see the surprise on people’s face when I tell them I’m an author and the genre is NOT romance or erotica that it hits home. It hits home further when I see people stop at my table to look at my books or comics, only to see that I’m the author/artist and then put it down with a sneer (ouch).

It’s disheartening and annoying to think that people aren’t judging my books by what I wrote in them. Instead they’re judging me and something I can’t control.

I know, I know. Total pity-party time. “Cry me river. Ever think it’s because you just suck and it’s nothing to do with your gender?”

It’s possible. But thanks to the common myth that “women can’t/don’t write Fantasy,” I’m not sure I’ll ever know for sure which it is. I have no “control group.” Unless I were to engage in some rom-com worthy gender-bending disguise antic that would fool the world into thinking I’m a male writer only to have it backfire on me with hilarious results and teaching the world a lesson about gender equality. And then we all have pie and coffee.

Seriously, though, I’m half considering showing up at my next con looking like this:

Image

 

I’m out. Peace. 

 

Apr3

So Why Elves?

Posted on by
Standard

Elves were always my favorite part of Lord of the Rings, and most fantasy things come to that. I love the mystery and the majesty of and ancient people still living among us. Their eyes have gods in the elder days and the rise and fall of empires. They have a stoic reticence to interfere yet they always have a philosophical opinion on things. 

But they REALLY became my favorite when I stopped writing serious (read: boring) Fantasy and started reading comedy. Sir Terry Pratchett never wrote up Elves in a comedic light, like he did with the Dwarves—and thank GOD because I’d hate to have to follow that act—but reading his works made me realise that my favorite victims of comedy are people who take themselves to seriously. And there’s nothing more serious than an Elf.

Dignity, and the loss of said dignity, is a great staple of comedy and the greater the dignity, the funnier it is. It’s also when you get people who have illusions of being wise and serious when really they’re a bunch of prats. I always found myself wondering if the Elves really ARE wise and all-knowing or are they just pompous codgers who’re full of shit.

In the end you get lovely character sketches of Elves that are less like Elrond and more like Bertie Wooster.

Throw in lots of money and connections and suicidal tendancies when they get depressed and you get this with pointy ears on:

(I do not own the rights to this clip which is from “And Now For Something Completely Different)

 

…Which is how I came up with Lynald Wingaurd. 

Hope that explains some things. Any further questions about my thing with Elves, feel free to ask in the comments.

 

Mar31

Sidetracked

Posted on by
Standard

Here’s where I start kicking myself.

Last year (or possibly longer) I endeavored to write a sequel to Madame Bluestocking’s Penny Horrid. I’ve been working steadily on it since, but I’ve come to a startling discovery: I need to back it up again.

Now I’m starting work on the REAL Book 2 and the current Book 2 will later become Book 3. 

This seems to be a big dumb thing with me, where as I start to write a book there seems to be a smaller less fleshed out book hiding in the first chapter. This is exactly what happened to the Linus Saga which has been delayed while Book 3 became Book 4 and Book 3 had to be written again. 

Okay, so bottom line is that there is new stuff involved. And it will be totally awesome. It’s just going to be a bit longer than I wanted. And the bright side is that the NEXT next book will be done that much sooner.

Thanks for your patience. :3

Image

 

 

~MM

Mar28

The Idea Well

Posted on by
Standard

It’s up there on most authors’ “worst questions to be asked,” right up there with, “so do you have a real job?”

“Where do you get your ideas?”

When it comes to simply, “where does our mind fly off to to fetch ideas about worlds that don’t exist and people who aren’t real?”  A person might as well ask, “what magical leprechaun visited you in your sleep and poured whimsical brain dust into your head holes to give you your ideas?”

How do I answer that? There’s no magic rite, no ceremonial dance, no burnt offerings. It’s just there, unbidden, and NEVER on call when I need it. No one really knows where it comes from. I sure don’t. Frankly, I’m not sure I want to because imagination is a terrifying and amazing place.

Usually, though, people are expecting a concrete idea. Like “when I work out,” or “when I was in Mexico for a year,” or “while the doctor was shaving me for my hernia operation,” and that leads to more embarrassing situations for me.

That’s the other thing authors won’t tell you about writing.

Most of us get about 70% our ideas while we’re in the room with the sink.

That’s my Victorian version of “we’re on the can.”

Image

The porcelain throne, usually around 3 am,  devoid of phones and shampoo bottles to read, barely awake and still half dreaming, I seem to get most of my ideas. Sometimes I luck out and I get ideas in the shower, but it would appear that my muse is a stoned college student who hangs out in bathrooms in weird hours and says, “hey…. hey… hey…hey… I got an idea…. hey… this is great…. dude… dude… You should TOTALLY do a bit in your book… where Linus has no pants.” It then dissolves into giggles and goes to the kitchen for grape soda and cold macaroni salad.

Yup. That’s how the magic happens folks. Oh what glamorous lives we lead.